dinner on the river

 Another week, another blog post about the Trinity River! This week was my best friend and I's birthday, so we celebrated with dinner at HG Supply, which is right on the water. Of course, we asked to be outside because it was a stunning day, and who doesn't love outdoor dining? I can't say that this outdoor eating experience was as fruitful as my previous picnic in regards to wildlife, but simply being outside is often enough to satisfy the daily yearn to be one with Mother Earth. 

Taking this class has made me cognizant of the time that I spend outside, and severely affected my desire to spend time outside, so much so that I often feel guilty when I feel I haven't utilized my time enough. I find myself trying to schedule spending time outside into my day, but I've noticed that I always have to be doing something else, and simply sitting in my backyard isn't enough. When I think about going outside, I think about walking across campus to get a coffee with my friends, or doing homework in the commons, or going to dinner on the river or somewhere that has a patio. It can never be as simple as sitting in the sun for a couple minutes. Even a walk with Rosie feels like an excuse or a motivation, rather doing something for the sake of doing it. 

I think my generation, as well as generations before, all feel like this, and that is why nature writers like those we read in class are so special; they are outside for the hell of it, and we are outside multi-tasking to feel decent about spending time outside. It should not be an effort to go outside, and it is for so many people, because we were raised on the precipice of always having a million things to do. Even in our free time, we feel we have to be with friends or doing homework for the next day or catching up on our favorite TV show so we don't fall behind on the social media commentary that comes each second. This is engrained in us since the time we learn to walk and talk, so it is something that's very hard to change. It takes a strong will to go against our capitalistic society that tells us time--even a second of it--is money. Money, tasks, getting things done and checking off boxes is not a way to live, and that's why this generation is more depressed than any ever before. We don't know how to do things for ourselves that don't have a return--we can't even go outside to go outside. 

I think that it has to get worse for it to get better, regarding responsibilities. As you get older, you may not be in school, but you have a job, bills to pay, kids to take care of, etc., and you have less and less time to yourself until you're a retired empty nester, and that is the point where you begin to take back all the time you lost for yourself. Although this is a bittersweet thought, and seems extremely pessimistic, I see it as quite the opposite. It took a long time for me to realize this about myself, and with that realization came the will to change, and take time for myself now. We always say there is tomorrow to do something, but there is time in today, too.